Knockoff Immortality

Don’t get me wrong, our brains are brilliant. They can detect danger and keep us away from anything remotely scary. The problem is, they’re running prehistoric software in a 21st-century environment. And us, users are left to save positive input manually.

To illustrate this process I created Knockoff  Immortality. The project started with the feeling of being celebrated on my 29th birthday that I simply refused to allow to die. As the tangible representation of that abstraction, I choose the bouquet from my Beloved. I took my sweet time separating the flowers and selecting then drying particular specimens. I recorded the whole process for good measure. I could have stopped there as the preservation stage was complete. But the surest way to immortality I know is becoming art.

This time I had a professional photographer in my studio to document the process. Very meta when it comes to a conceptual art piece about making an effort to remember a feeling. Under the watchful eye of the camera lens, I assembled 3 unique compositions sizing them to fit carefully chosen second-hand photo frames.

Photo by Zbigniew Izdebski @zbigniew_i

They would not last forever but neither will I. The physical representations of being appreciated are here to stay in the reality I share with others. But more importantly, I created a metaphor for noticing the positive feedback from the world and dedicating the time and effort to commit it to my long-term memory.  A function not included in our automatic programming, but essential to our well-being in the times we live in. 

Mine and of Me is to Create

Mine and of Me is to Create, 2022
embroidery on paper felt using plastic beads and a meditation mantra
21 x 29,7 cm

(Cat for attention)

As you may know, I failed to at 27 and the 28th year of my life is about connecting with what I would grow up as if I didn't fall in love with the idea of joining the club.

The base is a sheet of paper felt that I brought with me the last 3 times I moved. The first batch of beads was a Christmas gift from my primary school era. There weren't enough of them and I had to put the project on ice for a while. | I needed to figure out how to proceed. Buying new beads would defeat the purpose of combining of reaching back to my past in this artwork. It wasn't about the cost, but rather about buying new plastic non-essentials. It goes against my values especially if it was to be shipped to me from far away.

I was browsing second-hand plates and unopened bed linens as an alternative to shopping in IKEA. The inspiration struck me and I found a bunch of beads. They seemed like remnants of someone's abandoned hobby, eager to be turned into something more.
At that point, the whole artwork became about combining the past and the person I am today.

Embroidery was something I learned from my grandma. Historically, however, it was used as a tool of oppression. The quiet and meticulous activity to keep women on the sidelines of history. Now, having so much spare time to carefully attach beads to a sheet of felt feels like a luxury.

Especially if those beads spell out a mighty powerful phrase. The tone is inspired by those Bible quotes people cross-stitch. But those are my words. Words describing me.

I am coming to terms with the fact that I am most likely not going to die at 27.

"LONGER", 2021
plastic beads on wire embroidered on a sewing tape
1 x 19 cm

I am coming to terms with the fact that I am most likely not going to die at 27.

My existence on this planet, thoughtlessly ruined by species I'm a member of, won't last forever. I even have an understanding that it will be a blip compared to the lifespan of this planet, let alone the universe.

As a woman with my first wrinkles showing up I feel I'm passing my prime really quick. Oh, I'm blooming alright. Fully developed femininity with hip to waist ratio like never before. 

The issue is, I'm the exact age, I dreamt of dying when I was all hippy and teenage. I used to fantasize a lot about being picked at this exact point of maturity. Being cut, put in a vase, and drying up there, on the show. To achieve my final stage of development and disappear. Taken out of the further growth equation. 

What my teenage mind failed to notice is the fact that
humans arent flowers or fruit. (and to think I was considered gifted...). There is no final blooming form for us. Human life, provided the privilege of being born in western Europe, is pretty damn long. Life expectancy, even factoring in the destination of nature is on the rise. Moreover, as a woman, I'm very likely to outlive most of my male lovers. One already down, but I blame it on the age gap and heart condition.

My point is, no one hammers into you that life can feel very long, but society will only see you as desirable for not even a half of it. "Life is short" stands in direct contradiction with even a thought of setting a retirement plan. "You won't be here forever" does not feel like "the time you're here is enough to experience the human condition, whatever it may be". Seriously, when was the last time that the sense of urgency benefited anyone's long time efforts?

I think I was so comfortable with the fantasy of dying young because the amount of time it will actually take me to go is just overwhelming. I'm possibly not even halfway through and it already feels like an action and emotion pact saga with too many random events to comprehend. It makes me think about Lars von Tier's Nymphomaniac, where the second part gets wild and grim. And isn't even the end of the protagonist's life.

And I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain and suffering that comes with old age and disease.
I'm scared of not being desirable anymore.
I'm scared about not achieving my dreams not because I died young and never got the chance to, but because of my own lack of dedication or more likely courage.
I'm scared of my partner having regrets about not fathering a child when we both reach our 60's, me taking the blame on my shoulders and stroll with it right to my death bed.

As I said, I'm coming to terms with the idea of living past the age 27. I march into the unknown and with my fears and frustrations beside me. But I march nevertheless.

Some Air You Haven't Breathed With Yet

Selling air seems like a ridiculous idea, but is it? 

Firstly, I need to point out my privilege - I am lucky enough to have access to a private meadow, where wearing a mask is not mandated by law.

Pre pandemic breathing wasn't something I gave much thought, outside of meditation. However, my first deep breaths out of self-isolation were uncanny. Out in the countryside, in my parents' backyard, I realised something was very different. I was no longer re-inhaling the invisible content of my apartment. I was taking in some air I haven't breathed with yet.

This artwork is about value. If and what and why we place it on certain things. To perform inception on people coming across my work I decided to deploy a slightly immoral marketing tactic. We tend to perceive more expensive items to have more value.

Fresh air is not only free (in theory), but also priceless. Lack of a price tag oftentimes gives the impression of the lack of value. I manufactured this illusion in reverse.

My aim with "Some Air You Haven't Breathed With Yet" is to envoke the appreciation for simple yet invaluable sensations and experiences and champion paying attention to them.

SHOP NOW

Full commercial

If you wish to support me: Patreon and Paypal.me

Art in the Time of Covid 19

Backstory

I've been putting off setting a proper appointment with a curator of the only local gallery for weeks. And then the pandemic happened.

I was ready to take the "Symphony of Perception" to the next level. You see, I did a pilot exhibition in my apartment last autumn. Navigating the muddy waters of fine art is still challenging for me. First and foremost I wanted to check if the idea that I had - giving people choice over the soundtrack - can be considered art.

To the few people that managed show up among a few invited, it was. And it was a decent example of it as well. I trusted their opinion and kept working up the courage to contact the gallery.

I woke up after an illness and found all the events canceled or postponed. But everyone was online.
Since I've shown my art in my own apartment, why not show it in everyone else's?

My motivation is to evoke the sense of wonder with the reality in as many people as possible.

And let's be frank, we're all stuck at home anyway. :)

What's "Symphony of Perception"

This online multimedia installation.consists of 3 elements:

• Projection of footage
• Soundtrack on headphones 
• and You - The most important one 

You’re invited to choose or change the piece of music in relation to a video clip at any time. The conscious choice of tune, when faced with a visual and the contemplation of how the two work together, is really key.

How to experience it?

STEP 1. You need a device (phone, tablet, etc.) to play music on with headphones. 

You can download the tracks or listen to them from the folder here

STEP 2. You need a separate device to open Youtube on (laptop, desktop computer or smart TV). You can type ‘symphony of perception’ on Youtube or simply click here.

STEP 3. Play around with a soundtrack. Pay attention. Notice. Enjoy.

Symphony of Perception

I do not wish to tell stories,
I intend to envoke 
experiences.



To fuel my courage I used wonder. To take an idea and create this piece of reality from it was nerve-racking to me.
However, it still leaves me speechless how many potential impressions there could occur.

Images and the music can be combined by You as you please. This special human factor is essential. Who you are and what set of experiences, memories, and tastes you come here with becomes a unique filter. 

Every person that comes across my online installation has a chance to create not only to combine the elements in a unique way but also a guarantee of exclusive perception of it.

Dr Joe Dispenza says that we don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are.

Mixing music, image and our perception of those is merely a metaphor. I’m illustrating situations appearing in our lives and our attitude towards them.
When it comes to events in reality, we most likely have no influence over them. The way we approach them - well, that’s the whole other story.

Winning a lottery can bring overwhelming gratitude into our hearts. Or fill our minds with worry about lifestyle inflation.

A puddle of dirty water can cover our overcoat courtesy of some careless driver. And we get angry and course their guts out or burst out laughing like a mad person.
It’s a choice. It’s always a choice.

I had two main reasons to invite you to take control of the soundtrack. One was just proving that you are indeed able to control this aspect. The other was to unblock the mechanism of using it consciously. Maybe even lay a foundation for such a habit?

Thank you for your time, attention and engagement.

All the best,

Michalina Marta Cap

And again the choice is yours.

If you wish to toss a coin to the artist here's my PayPal.Me and Patreon

If you wish to experience the installation again, the projection is here and the music here.


If you wish to share your thoughts and feelings with me or others head to the comments below

Symfonia Percepcji

Nie chcę opowiadać historii, 

chcę wywoływać doświadczenia.

Napęd dla mojej odwagi, by z pomysłu wykreować ten fragment rzeczywistości, stanowi zachwyt. Zachwyt nad mnogością potencjalnych doznań.

Obrazy i muzyka mogą być przez Ciebie połączone w dowolny sposób. I właśnie ten czynnik ludzki, filtr tego, z czym przychodzisz i kim jesteś staje się trzecim elementem układanki. Elementem wyjątkowym. Każda osoba mająca styczność z tą instalacją online ma szansę nie tylko na autorską kombinację, ale i gwarancję na jej unikatowy odbiór.

Od dr. Joe Dispenzy usłyszałam jakiś czas temu, że nie widzimy świata, takim, jakim jest. Widzimy go takim, jacy my jesteśmy. 

Dostrajanie muzyki z obrazami i swojej percepcji do nich jest dla mnie metaforą zastanych sytuacji życiowych oraz naszego nastawienia do nich.

Na pierwsze - ogromna wygrana w Lotto albo samochód przenoszący całą zawartość kałuży na nasze odzienie wierzchnie - zwykle nie mamy wpływu. 

Drugie - przejmująca wdzięczność/rozgoryczenie nadchodzącym podatkiem albo frustracja brakiem pomyślunku kierowcy/głośny uwalniający śmiech - jest naszym wyborem.

Zapraszając Cię do przeskakiwania po ścieżkach dźwiękowych, chciałam, po pierwsze udowodnić że masz kontrolę nad tym aspektem. Po drugie uruchomić mechanizm świadomego z niej korzystania. Może nawet położyć fundament pod nawyk?

Dziękuję, za Twój czas, zaangażowanie i uwagę.

All the best,

Michalina Marta Cap

Ponownie, wybór jest Twój

Jeśli masz ochotę wrzucić coś do kapelusza tutaj jest mój PayPal.Me i  Patreon

Jeśli masz ochotę ponownie podoświadczać percepcji zapraszam tutaj po muzykę i tutaj na projekcję.

Jeśli masz ochotę podzielić się swoimi myślami i odczuciami ze mną i innymi zapraszam do komentarzy poniżej.

Make reality great again.

I've always been a mind over body person. In junior high disregarding the P.E. and clinging to art history instead. The intellectual had always had much more value than the physical. Look at me now with MA in film (aka making up stories or rocking your brain to show the real ones in spectacular ways.) And with the only exercise routine limited to sex.

I've trained myself to use my imagination. Paint vivid scenes of my never-to-be-experienced future, that never leave my head.

And I believe that is the problem. Being prone to put my energy into thoughts instead of action. Running around in circles trying to present my case for a certain endeavor to the jury. Consisting solely of a wide array of voices in my head. (Not schizophrenic, just INFJ.)

The other day, in meditation, a certain euphony came to me: I so rarely experience reality. When I do, it tends to be utterly disappointing.

But how in hell can it be a crazy rollercoaster of joy and creativity if I DO absolutely NOTHING to make it so?

Hence the idea to make reality great again. As they say: the grass is greener where you water it.

And this post is a start. There's more to come. Get ready.

Recharging Female Power

Oh, orgasms. If you had one you know how magnificent they feel. And if you're not sure if you had one, you didn't. Should I even get started on the medical and psychological benefits?

Our physiology results in them being a shutdown button for males and a restart one for females. This information is an important stop on the route of my train of thought.

The other day I was plugging in my magic wand. I found it funny that every time I do that I have to plug out my phone charger first.

Then I had an epiphany of the sort Todd from "BoJack Horseman" would have. Maybe the array of sex toys girls use is just a charger for our will to live?

With the drained battery, I know myself to be irritable, thin-skinned and frankly danger to myself and others. Operating in power save mode makes life hardly enjoyable. And after the feel-good hormones shot straight from between your legs? Highly tolerable again.

Another aspect of magic wand charger is independence. You don't have to rely on your partner(s), just the electricity in the socket.

What could I do with so many thoughts?
Yes. A film.

Here it is.

Brief Acclaim

It was my birthday this week and my beloved packed me into a car and drove to the lake.
I'm not doing that well these days and it was a desperate effort to brighten up my mood.

We walked alongside the gloomy, but beautiful body of water and finally saw the clearing in the clouds. It soon got swallowed by darker, heavier ones.

Not 5 minutes later, save back in the car, we watched the sudden rain and other people fleeing from the beach.

It made me think about all those brief and bright moments I've experienced in my life. The chances I never took the full advantage of. Those victories that became amazing stories instead of a steady and shiny career. The red carpet walk drowned in trauma by the unexpected death of a lover.

So, in eford to become a version of myself I actually like (more than a winy, depressive bitch), I made a video about it.

You can watch it here.

That thing about loving yourself.

In this witchy, New Age, pseudo quantum physics headspace I'm currently in, nothing matters more than loving yourself. Practicing enlightened self-talk until you become a person who materializes the best experiences ever with your magnetic mind.

Still with me?

The fact is, I became that person when it comes to love. After my previous relationship ended and  I managed to survive yet another relapse of depression, I got really specific about the kind of relationship I wanted to create. And the partner I wanted to attract. Last summer I had my last romance, which showed me exactly what I needed. Via contrast of course. The frustration about what I wasn't getting and able to give, allowed me to pinpoint the specific characteristics.

So there I am, lying in my bed alone, missing my man - my unlikely gift from the Universe. He's not gone, just away for a couple of days.

3 am and I can't sleep. Smelling his T-shirt only made the yearning worse. I needed his presence right now! Missing him physically hurt.

What I learned from my many therapies was to question and investigate the thoughts and feelings. (Go CBT!)

ME: So, what exactly do I miss?

ALSO ME: Well, the feeling of love and acceptance I experience from him.

ME: Can I give that to myself?

ALSO ME: No, I despise most of the things about me right now.

ME: What traits he may love about you? Can you acknowledge they exist? Can you surround with love at least those aspects of yourself?

ALSO ME: *thinking intensively*

I went through every reason he may still be in love with me. I mentally hugged or high fived each of them.

As I was going through the process I started feeling lighter and calmer. And finally managed to fall asleep. All comfy on the pillow of self-acceptance.

The thing about self-love is: it's an approach to yourself. Asking questions and finding ways to raise your vibe back up. Loving yourself unconditionally out of my reach yet, but I'm hopeful to get there.

For now, self-love to me is like pizza or an orgasm - some is better than none.