In this witchy, New Age, pseudo quantum physics headspace I'm currently in, nothing matters more than loving yourself. Practicing enlightened self-talk until you become a person who materializes the best experiences ever with your magnetic mind.
Still with me?
The fact is, I became that person when it comes to love. After my previous relationship ended and I managed to survive yet another relapse of depression, I got really specific about the kind of relationship I wanted to create. And the partner I wanted to attract. Last summer I had my last romance, which showed me exactly what I needed. Via contrast of course. The frustration about what I wasn't getting and able to give, allowed me to pinpoint the specific characteristics.
So there I am, lying in my bed alone, missing my man - my unlikely gift from the Universe. He's not gone, just away for a couple of days.
3 am and I can't sleep. Smelling his T-shirt only made the yearning worse. I needed his presence right now! Missing him physically hurt.
What I learned from my many therapies was to question and investigate the thoughts and feelings. (Go CBT!)
ME: So, what exactly do I miss?
ALSO ME: Well, the feeling of love and acceptance I experience from him.
ME: Can I give that to myself?
ALSO ME: No, I despise most of the things about me right now.
ME: What traits he may love about you? Can you acknowledge they exist? Can you surround with love at least those aspects of yourself?
ALSO ME: *thinking intensively*
I went through every reason he may still be in love with me. I mentally hugged or high fived each of them.
As I was going through the process I started feeling lighter and calmer. And finally managed to fall asleep. All comfy on the pillow of self-acceptance.
The thing about self-love is: it's an approach to yourself. Asking questions and finding ways to raise your vibe back up. Loving yourself unconditionally out of my reach yet, but I'm hopeful to get there.
For now, self-love to me is like pizza or an orgasm - some is better than none.
